Cautiously hopeful

Today was a bit stressful. I’m also just numb because I can’t handle being excited, stressed, or nervous anymore.

We had our scheduled appointment in Baltimore. Both babies have still grown, and amazingly well! Little Scrappy grew 19%!!!! He’s still uber tiny, now 64% smaller than his brother, but we’re no longer focusing on the percentage either since it’ll keep growing further apart. Scooby is 1pound 11 oz, and Scrappy is 11oz. But for Scrappy, that’s a 19% growth. 🙂
The part that was stressful was that he is now exhibiting a reverse blood flow. I immediately started tearing up, then told myself to be strong, wait for the doctor. Before he came in though they asked me about steroid shots….told them I was supposed to have one yesterday but we couldn’t make the appointment. They recommended I get one immediately, and get the booster tomorrow. Again, started to get really nervous.
The doctor came in, redid some of the scan work. The reverse blood flow didn’t show as much — so maybe a fluke? Who knows, could be, could be random, could be sporadic. Regardless the doctor thinks I’m still stable enough to go another week.
One of the really interesting things was the doctor’s bedside manner. He was completely different this time. The last time I saw him was before the holidays when he kept talking about cord occulation. There was nothing negative about him this time, no talk about Scrappy dying in utero, etc. Maybe I’m one of those cases that changes a doctor’s way of thinking.
We did talk a bit about delivering in Baltimore vs. Fairfax. I had been leaning towards Fairfax b/c it’d be so much more convenient, but really, I also want to do what’s best for me and the babies. The NICU in Baltimore has a lot more experience dealing with the challenges of TTTS and IUGR babies, much more so than Fairfax. Baltimore has the best NICU in the state; Fairfax has the largest in the DC area as well, but they pretty much send their TTTS patients to Baltimore. Also when I compare the facilities, how we’ve been treated, the doctors, nurses, etc, Baltimore has been much more pleasant, not as crowded. Of course, we may not really have a choice in what happens: next week at Fairfax they could find a complete blood flow reversal and I have to be admitted immediately. But at the same time, if it’s safe enough, I think I’d rather get an immediate second opinion from Baltimore. They’ve always seemed to get better measurements, better images, better everything. Delivering in Baltimore will suck badly though….especially onces the babies are in NICU. We may have to rent a furnished place for a couple months.
There’s still a LOT of ifs….what we’re planning for right now is that it’s very likely we could have these babies in the next 3 weeks. if we can go longer, great, but our plans now are assuming three weeks. If Scrappy can keep up his current growth, he’ll be over a pound by then.
The doctor was able to see Scrappy’s heart a bit better today, though he still couldn’t get great images b/c of an awkward baby position….but there may be an issue with him having an extra cord or something in the heart…where he’s getting too much blood flow on one side only. Scott’s going to do more research into this, but I also know one of the most common surgeries with preemies is to close a heart valve that typically closes automatically with more mature babies. We’re not worried about this yet.
So what am I doing right now? Trying to figure out everything I’ve done in the last two weeks and keep doing it!!! Which means ice cream every day :), lots and lots of food, bed rest during the week, fairly active during the week. But another specific thing that was different was the adrenaline rushes I had in the last two weeks. The first week was an almost accident on the way to Baltimore; last week was Princess almost killing me while going down the stairs and the truck wreck this weekend. So I’ve gotta find a way to get HUGE adrenaline rushes without actually causing harm. 🙂

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