Second 20 week appointment

Outlook isn’t good for baby b. First doc recommended doing cord coagulation immediately. We brought up Miami and the study there. After he explained the surgery they do for iugr, which he then told us he could do as well and would do it if we wanted, we decided against it. The surgery basically divides the placenta and baby b would end up getting even less share/percentage than he’s getting now, which is tiny, So he would die regardless.
He then threw a wrench in things b/c he’s leaving tomorrow for two weeks so if we wanted to do either surgical option it would have to be done today or tomorrow morning. We decided to go to lunch and come back to talk
To the other specialist. So glad we did.
We decided that we couldn’t be forced into a decision today, we couldn’t feel comfortable with one. And we are no longer considering the laser surgery to separate the babies b/c it’ll only result in death, so that’s out.
We decided to wait two weeks. We’ll have our Xmas plans as planned and have time to come to peace with whatever may happen.
If in two weeks baby b is still growing, although extremely slowly, we’ll keep waiting. We are doing this b/c even though he’s in like the 3rd percentile, all functions are there and he’s healthy. I can’t live with the decision to clamp  the cord right now and completely end his life.
Dr Harmon, the second doc today agrees with us. He said baby b could still fight it out, that he’s already been fighting. He also said, and thus makes the decision easier, that b/c baby b has such a small placental share, that if he were to due in the next two weeks, he’s not super likely to affect baby a, causing neurological damage to him or causing his death. That makes me feel good and makes it easier to wait for now.
In two weeks I’ll be at 23 weeks. If we can wait another week, we’re at what’s considered viability. If baby b is still alive and healthy, we’ll wait again. Ideally we’d need to get him to 1+ pounds.
If in two weeks he hasn’t grown at all, and actually declines, we’ll do the coagulation. At that point we’ll have to b/c he’s not likely to grow anymore at all. And that’s what we’re going to use the next  two weeks to come to terms with.

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